• Good pay & benefits
• It’s what I went to school for
• The economy doesn’t allow me to move on
• It’s what I know
• I have security at this job
• I actually like doing what I do

These are all really great reasons.  But why do you think Jesus wants you to have this job?  I don’t have a list of “suggestions” for that one.

To be honest with you, I don’t know why Jesus has me working where I’m working.  I’m baffled.  I could see myself doing some things that would be much more “spiritual” (at least in the classical sense).  After all, I have a BA in religion and a Master’s degree from Seminary.  I was a youth pastor for 2 years, an associate pastor for another 2 years, and a senior pastor for 11 years.

Right now I’m the marketing director for a construction company.  That’s a big shift.  And I’m deeply enjoying my new job.

Shouldn’t the reason why I do what I’m doing go deeper than “I enjoy it.”   Or is that enough?

Formally, I haven’t been doing “anything” in the church.  I’m not leading a ministry, I’m not on a committee or team, I just show up at church and small group.  This is a BIG shift for me.  I was a pastor for 11 years where my life was consumed with church work.  I would have at least 4 meetings a week and 2 formal teaching sessions.  But since Pathway closed at the end of Sept. 2009 (check out my post “Out of Order“) , life hasn’t been as intense on the “church” front…which has been a good thing.  We’ve need the break and the chance to re-fuel.

But now I’m ready to do something…and that was what I wanted to talk with Mike about.  Specifically, I’ve been wondering how to leverage the distinct opportunities that exist in the marketplace to draw closer to God, become more like Christ, and extend His Kingdom.  I spend over 50 hours a week doing “work.”  That’s a chunk of my life that should have some focus and intentionality behind it.

Mike gave me a list of men to contact in our church who might be interested in wrestling with this topic.  I’ve emailed them and am waiting to hear back.  For the next few weeks, I’m going to use this blog as the place to track the conversation and see what we can turn up.  I’d love for you to track the dialogue and weigh in.  I’ve got friends all over the world who read this blog, and I’d love to extend the conversation beyond the Portland metro area.

But here is the truth…the bigger picture: They were wearing helmets.  I never left their side.  I didn’t let them go to fast, or to slow.  I was present and helping them with every rotation of the pedals.  They did exceptionally well.  By mid summer, they won’t need my help.  They will ride their bikes as they were intended.

As a parent, I can’t sacrifice their development for the cause of “safety.”

There are all kinds of things in my life that “prop me up,” keep me stable.  Every now and then, God comes along, and takes some of them away.  He isn’t being cruel…He is loving me well.  He’s positioning me to experience the best in life.

I cry, I beg, and I get scared.  ”Please put them back on.  Please give me back what was keeping me stable.”

He simply smiles, and says, “You can do it.  Now do what I intend you to do.  Be what I intend you to be.”

But here is the truth…I’m learning to trust God.  Trust His judgments not my own.  To give up my securities, so I can become secure in Him.

It sucks…for a moment…but it’s always good.

Thoughts?

Yesterday for me was a “barely noticable” day.  I didn’t read my Bible, I spent a little time in prayer (about 7 minutes if I stretch it).  Mostly, I went through my day, checking off my list of responsibilities.  I don’t feel closer to Christ.  Don’t sense any epiphanies that will impact my week.

For me, following Christ requires a miracle of the mundane.  That is, I move towards Christ despite any grand or dramatic moments.  My conscious choice to be surrendered to his leadership results in my God’s grace, love, discipline, etc. flowing through me.  It’s a miracle (a present, active work of God) that happens in the mundane activities of life.

How would you describe your life towards Christ?  I’m not interested in long answers or flowery “sunday school answers.”  What was yesterday like for you?

As of right now, every single one of those dated bullet points have come to reality ahead of schedule and with smoother transition than I could have imagined.  And that’s where this gets weird.  The things I requested from God feels very temporal and “worldly.”  It’s about the stuff of life and how to logistically move it along.  Its in this time bound, non-eternal arena that God is answering prayer.

But what happens when God doesn’t answer prayer when you feel like you are Kingdom minded and have an eternal focus?

Four months ago I was praying my heart out for Pathway church.  We were a struggling church plant, filled with amazing people and a vision to advance God’s kingdom in every life we touched.  But these prayers that went unanswered. The church closed, we moved from Indiana to Oregon, and good friends are now scattered into different communities of faith.

Baffling.

To be honest, it was a bit easier when God wasn’t answering prayer.  I could direct my frustration and anger at Him without hesitation.  But now that He is answering prayer and my anger has been replaced with confused, humble shoulder-shrugging.

There is a lesson in here on how God wants us to pray.  Not sure how to articulate it.  But one thing I know, I’ve got a long way to go before I figure out how God moves in and through our prayers.

Our Lord is like the dentist…Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of…or which is obviously spoiling daily life…Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there.  That may be all you asked: but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment… That is why He warned people to ‘count the cost’ before becoming Christians.  ‘Make no mistake,’ He says, ‘if you let me, I will make you perfect…Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest until you are literally perfect – until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me…” (C.S. Lewis on Grief, C.S. Lewis)

Perfect.  I tremble and am intimidated by that word.  Especially when it is paired with Love.  Perfect Love.  It’s easier to grasp how God loves us perfectly…i.e. the cross.  But how do we love God and each other perfectly?  And how do we describe apart from performance?

Chris Wrote…

There are many struggles in which Christians face, and one of those struggles happens to be the sin in our lives that we have a difficult time with.  These pet sins, or the sins that repeatedly hold us back from a further relationship with God, are a very serious matter.

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no-one will see the Lord. – Hebrews 12: 14

I do not think this verse deals with the eternal salvation of an individual, but I do believe that the pursuit of holiness needs to be a priority in the Christian life.  We are not only made holy in the sight of God through Jesus Christ, but also called to be holy in our daily walk. “To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy…” (1 Corinthians 1:2)

When we indulge our sinful ways and continue to dwell in unholiness, the Spirit of God is grieved. “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (Ephesians 4:30).  These are not the times in which we fall into temptation and rely on the blood of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins, but instead are lives that are characterized by unholy living.

So what does this look like in real life?  Does one sit back and let the Holy Spirit do all of the work, or is it all up to the individual to become more holy?  To me it looks like farming.  The farmer has many responsibilities in order to grow a crop.  They must be diligent by plowing, fertilizing, and cultivating the land if he expects a harvest at the end of the season.  But at the end of the day, the farmer knows that he is utterly dependent on forces outside himself for the successful harvest.  This is a joint venture between God and man.

Where have you seen this joint venture in your life?

In the midst of pain, most of us lie to people.
Pulling a tooth – “This isn’t going to hurt.”
At a Funeral – “He’s in a better place.”
Shopping – “That dress does make you look thin.”
At Church – “I’m great!  How are you?”

We lie.  We lie to either avoid on-coming pain, or to distract ourselves from its gnawing presence.  We have a frantic aversion to pain, and an obsession with comfort.

Here’s the problem: following Jesus will be painful.  And if we aren’t willing to experience some pain, we will live a shallow life, avoiding the depths God has planned for us.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you…So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. – 1 Peter 4:12, 19

What bothers me most about this passage is that we can suffer “according to God’s will…”  Ugh.  I thought God wanted me to have health, wealth, and prosperity?  At least, that’s what I saw on TV from the “comfort” of my living room couch.

Here is a thought that I’m not sure I fully embrace yet: “God longs for me to be intimate with Him.  And He is willing to cause some pain to shake me loose so I will focus on Him.  God values intimacy before He values comfort.  And the pain that God brings or allows is better than any comfort this world can offer.”

Thoughts?

Dear God,
I know You are busy this time of year.  Thanksgiving is around the corner.  Christmas is creeping into everyone’s mind.  This is the time of year You get to capture everyone’s imagination.  Souls need Your touch of grace and love.  Churches will be hosting special services and outreach activities.  You’ve got Your hands full, with BIG things.

As You know, we are in some major transition in the Curtis home.  You’ve affirmed our decision to move to Oregon, and we are getting excited about the new opportunities that are there.  Because You’re busy, I’ve thought through a time-line that could work really well for us.  If You could look this over, I’d appreciate it.

Soon – You supply the buyer for our home.  I know it’s a big request, especially this time of year.  But I think You’re up to the challenge.
Dec. 18 – we sell our home and my mom flys to Oregon with our kids
Dec. 19 – we load up the truck and say goodbye to lifelong friends
Dec. 20-24 - Bethany and I enjoy a nice road-trip across the USA while my parents have our kids in Oregon
Dec. 30 – we find a rental that we can move into
Jan. 4 – I start my new job at Yorke & Curtis while Andrew starts at his new school

As you can see, all You need to do is supply a buyer for our home.  After that, we’re good to go.

In Jesus name,
milo

Pretty arrogant, right?  And I think that’s where doubt finds strength…in pride.

I’ve been wrestling with doubt lately.  The kind of doubt that robs the soul of peace and joy.  The kind of doubt you drown out with noise and busy-ness.  The kind of doubt that is supposed to be cured by faith.

What if God doesn’t go by my time-line?  Do I believe that God has something better than what I could imagine?

Maybe my doubt is less about God, and more about me.  Am I capable of walking down the road He has in front of me, knowing it could be filled with trials?

I have to believe that what He wants is better than what I want.  Not just different…better.

Thoughts?

Andrew is saving his money for a new toy.  We’re teaching him the value of work, income, setting goals, and waiting to reach those goals.  Giving up his precious pennies was a step backwards.  It meant working more and waiting longer.  I was surprised at how defiant he started, and then how broken he was by the thought of giving up his pennies.

“But I want my pennies.”

So do I.

Lately, God has been showing me my “pennies,” those things I’ve worked hard to collect.  I’ve saved these “pennies” so I can achieve specific goals.  Some of my “pennies” are physical, most of them are dreams, ideas, attitudes, perspectives.  They seem so precious…but their just pennies.  Weighed against eternity and measured next to God’s faithfulness, they don’t amount to much.  But they are my pennies.

I sat down with Andrew and did my best to embrace the teachable moment.  We talked about generosity.  I shared with him that I couldn’t trust him with more if I didn’t think he was going to be generous.  Generosity breeds trust.  I want to trust that he’ll be a wise steward, and then I can impart him with more.

In the end Andrew gave up his pennies…and later in the day I gave him a quarter.  He didn’t completely understand how one quarter was better than 12 pennies.  But he had to trust me.  Just like I was trusting him.

Trusting God with “pennies” should be the easiest thing in the world.  But, for me, I find it harder than I know it should be.

What are your “pennies,” and how is God asking you to trust Him?